The French Lieutenants Woman: A Victorian Gentleman
by nachocleese
Summary: Hey guys! This is my French Lieutenant's Woman fic that I wrote on my phone. I know it's quite poorly written and grossly self-indulgent, but I'm going to continue it anyway! The story /hardly/ resembles TFLW, but please, don't let that bother you too much. Our esteemed gentleman Charles in a reckless moment of is sets off a chain of events he could not possibly have imagined.


MY AMAZING FANFICTION

OF THE FRENCH LIEUTENANTS WOMAN.

BY NACHOCLEESE

**Chapter 1**

"_Flashpoint"_

Hi my name is Charles Henry James Alfred George Edward Algernon Smithson and I live in Whales which is a town in The Orkneys. One of my many hobbies is to womanise and drinking excessive amounts of incredibly classy and beautifully expensive of bottles of sugared absinthe in single sittings. Lately I have been preoccupied with that sassy minx Sarah Woodrough who looks like Meryl Streep with red frizzy hair. She has deep languid limpid azure hypnotic equivocating vertiginous entrancing eyes. Which I find attractive so some degree (though not on a physical level – I _am _a gentleman, after all,) I also frequent gentleman's clubs and do not attempt to pick up women of disrepute because I don't feel like somewhat of an outcast myself. I also hide the incredibly dark secret that I am the last of my race this secret must held by I and I alone.

Since early yesterday morning Charles had been entertaining the thought of bedding Sarah, apparently, when he woke up, that was what he was doing the night before. The devil's drink indeed.

"I didn't know that you were a virgin, Sarah." Charles remarked most casually and unremarkably.

"Why don't you just shut up, okay?" Sarah sneezed irritably and then laughed ironically.

Charles then went across the drawing room and stabbed Mr Freeman repeatedly in between the ribs, causing Mr Freeman to bleed a lot and feel uncomfortable. Mr Freeman weakly staggered and inexplicably stood up despite torrential bleeding. He performed a backflip and landed with supine grace.

"Charles," intoned Mr Freeman acknowledgingly "my death shall only be the beginning," Mr Freeman pulled his coat under himself - and when he pulled it off- he was Morgan Freeman!

Charles stood arms akimbo. Four paces away. "I no longer love Sarah. You are my only, MORGAN FREEMAN." said Charles illuminatingly, like an infinitesimally thin plane of glass being shattered by a single syllable in a galaxy of universities. Morgan dextrously pulled the glinting silver knife out of his punctured lung and gashed torso; his vast and indomitable hands bloodied with Charles' impetuousness, and ripped the blade to shreds.

Sarah, who had wired the whole room with C4 while Charles and Mr Freeman were bickering, stood in the exit to Charles' drawing room. Her pure crystalline glistening tears ran down her face and pooled on the floor, somehow cleverly contrasting the bloody mess crusted onto the floor on the other side of the room. Her thumb hovered over a promiscuous red button on the detonator.

"I thought you loved me so, Charles. So much so that you would have killed my own father to rescue me from myself." Sang Sarah with penultimate beauty.

Mr Morgan Freeman then remarked in the voice of Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty starring Jim Carey: "Ah, but that's what you have forgotten, the truth is... You cannot kill Morgan Freeman." He paused for suspense and dramatic effect. "I am the future." He arrogantly stated.

Charles thought it was his turn to speak. He had thought of something really profound and useful to say but had just forgot and instead blurted out "lol you are just jealous of me. :P"

Sarah punched the detonator with her palm. The walls laced with deadly explosives exploded explosively. BOOM! Merciless shards of debris shot indiscriminately through the air. Charles was struck and fell to the ground like. A doofus. Sarah too, was mangled in the explosion like spaghetti bolognaise.

Morgan Freeman stood in the center of the room completely untouched. He brushed the just off his clothes and chuckled "Owned. Hahaha! You CAN'T kill Morgan Freeman." Giddy with triumph, spoke to nobody in particular "Better luck next time." He paced out of the rubble, feeling the warmth of the sun on his face, knowing that he was still alive and that he always would be.

But Morgan's quest had only just begun...

It was many days until Charles and Sarah were able to emerge from the rubble.


End file.
